Re: Rip it to shreds please

From: Chris Lynn <chris_at_hillamtech.com>
Date: Tue 24 Aug 2004 21:56:48 -0500

Cliff,

Well, since you invited your readership to rip it...

When I read that you help CEOs to transform their businesses etc, I
immediately want to know HOW (i.e. what is it you do?) I read on: "By
strategically applying a broad spectrum of venture design, change
management, marketing, branding, community development and corporate
advancement processes, we enable our clients to shape their futures and
position themselves for success in a dynamic world." This is so general as
to be meaningless to the visitor. Even assuming that your visitor has been
directed to the site because he/she has been told that you offer something
exceptional, the visitor will want a succinct description of what you do,
why it is different, and a reason to believe what you are telling them.

This is emphatically NOT rocket science. Indeed, I'd argue that the tagline
"Business IS rocket science" is counter-productive. The description of
something being 'rocket science' has the connotation of it being complex and
beyond the intelligence of mere mortals. Apart from this clearly being
untrue of business (I discovered long ago that intelligence is neither a
sufficient nor a necessary condition for business success), it leaves you
talking down to your prospective customers from the lofty peak of your
aeronautical doctorate - hardly an enticing value proposition to the average
CEO.

Sorry, but I think it still needs work. BTW, while I'm being curmudgeonly,
'Ad Astro' is ungrammatical Latin, since the preposition 'ad' takes the
accusative 'astra', not the ablative 'astro'...

Chris Lynn
Hillam Technology Partners
International Technology Marketing
http://www.hillamtech.com
+1 (770)377-8142







Received on Tue Aug 24 2004 - 21:56:48 CDT